i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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