She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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