ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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