Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
