final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
