Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
