am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
