you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
