can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
