i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
