we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
