I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
