i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
