this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
