and you said cock pushups were impossible
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
