I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
