I puked a lego.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
