respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
