Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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