I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
