Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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