i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
