why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
what day is it and did you see me today?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
