i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
