Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
