Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
