I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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