she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
