Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
