Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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