yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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