My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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