You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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