new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
