apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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