we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
