Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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