White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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