So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
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My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
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It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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