I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
