fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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