You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
