if i can run in heels then i can drive
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I can't turn off my feet"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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