Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize