Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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