Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
