I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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