whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
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there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
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no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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