I got chris browned last night
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
