we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
