White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
