I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
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What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
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Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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