I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
