my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
