Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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