the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
