The maid of honor just puked.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
