Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My dick has a subreddit
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
