my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
