Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i wish my penis had a tongue
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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