when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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