the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
