I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
