This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
