Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
