I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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