She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
