He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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