I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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